The FlusterCuck

job trial today

trial work went well. very nice people working there. confident about a steady job. but until january all i get is a day now and then. next saturday i work  and get paid. so thats a start. and i told the boss that i could really need the hours in december. but if there is not enough work, what can he do. anyway. i am pretty satisfied with the trial run. and next time getting paid is some good news too. it takes time to get your feet on the ground in a new country. and i am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. all i need is a chance, and i got one now. like eninem said. 

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

but i still feel so fucking lost. even when things work out, i feel out of place. i guess it takes more time to get used to a new country the older you get. when i was 18 i managed to get used to a new country in a week. i am comfortable in england, dont get me wrong. its just that starting all over again that gets to me. 

but i’ll get over it. i have good people around me looking after me. and i have a strong will to make it. i wont let the moment pass and fuck things up like i always did before. i will not let this happen. even if i have two hard months in front of me. i used to live of water and bread for over 18 months on gran canaria before i got my feet on the ground. i can do it. i know i can. and this time i do it because i want to stay here. not because i have to. i really want to make this work and settle down here. so whatever it takes. i’ll do it. 

fuck yeah.