The FlusterCuck

update

just came from the doc. demanded that they finally get my mental health team together. so i should hear from them next he promised me. let’s see. but all in all this was the first serious conversation i had with these dumbhats since i walked in there for the first time a month ago.

i hope the finally manage to assemble a mental health team for me. i feel like slipping into depression deeper every day. just for some hour every day i am super hyper and thats that. usually thats a sign for that things are going to get tougher. and before i know it i am in a full blown depression for 3 months. followed by super hyper mania. 

fucking bipolar. at least i can still afford the meds. dont even want to know where i would be now without them. i hate taking them. but they help a lot. 

job search still no results. ffs. this doesnt help to get my mood up. thank god for my friends here. they really help through a rough time. they are as important as my meds. if not more. i also need this damn health team. i dont want to slip. i cant afford to go into depression. i hope this will all change when i find a job. but then i am in fucking danger of a manic phase. 

jesus harry christ. this is not easy at all. but then again, if it would be, where would be the fun in getting it under control. and maintaining control. 

and my god damn borderline is kicking my ass also all day long. but i dont and cant even go into that. would take hours to just explain how i feel for 5 minutes let alone a whole day. the ups and downs are so severe now, if this doesnt get under control i dont know how i will be able to hold a job if find one.