Bipolar Disorder Support: Studying Abroad [or travel in general]
As a whimsical, adventurous, curious individual, there is nothing that excites me more than exploring new things. I adore other cultures, I’m captivated by new languages, and I absolutely live for learning.
But I can’t travel.
Every time I have to transition, or undergo some sort of change, my…
i am bipolar I and am diagnosed with borderline. and i love to travel too. since i am 18 ( i am now 34) i am switching countries like underwear. i have lived and worked in almost any european country, and i just moved to the uk a month ago. i am in deep depression right now. i just cant handle the change and the rebuilding of my life anymore. it used to be so freaking easy. i just jumped on a plain and found a new life in spain, austria, germany or whatever country. but this time it really gets to me. i need routine too now. i thought i could handle it. and i even managed to get a very good job in less than a month. but yet i cant feel any motivation to interact with other people or even leave the bed sometimes. thank god i have people here looking after me, and a bit of my old me left. otherwise i would have done something very stupid already, thats how deep i am in depression right now.
i just got this amazing job offer. head chef in a new restaurant in a very privileged area. this will be from january on. and until then i get two or three night of work too. so money wise i will be ok. which was my biggest source of concern. i even get to play a big part in the design of the restaurant and the kitchen and an apartment. but still, i feel lost and alone. without hope. i keep telling people i am fine. i will manage. and everybody is amazed how fast i got my feet on the ground in such short time. but my bipolar just wont let me be happy. my borderline sees enemies and obstacles everywhere.
i am seeing a doc. i even get the right meds. i should be proud of myself. but i cant. i just want to seize to exist. no suicide. just…seize to exist. be left alone by the world. i dont know. i hope this will pass soon. i prefer the manic phase of being bipolar. the depression is just too much for me right now. i can hardly function.
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