Living with borderline personality is the most... • The FlusterCuck

Living with borderline personality is the most awful thing I have to deal with. Worse than my eating disorder, worse than my awful relationship with my mother (actually caused my that, if you ask some therapists..) worse than heartbreak and the cause of most of my problems. Imagine waking up one day and not seeing the point in getting out of bed because you don’t know who you are or who you want to be that day. Imagine fighting with people you love not because you want to but because you can’t help it, pushing them away pushing them as far as they can just to force yourself to watch them actually leave then crying and crying until they either come back or decide they’ve had enough of it happening every day. Imagine being so happy that you’re finally doing something you love only to find two days later it no longer makes you happy and you have to scout the big wide world for another thing that you haven’t picked up and thrown away yet. Imagine the only desire you can actually keep constant is the one thing you can’t have. Imagine feeling so alone around people who are supposed to be your friends just because you do. With no reason you feel out of place. And you always do. And you can’t talk to them about it. Because everyone leaves you. Imagine compulsive and reckless behavior that endangers you life, scares your family and scares you, that you can’t help. Imagine never being able to maintain any personal relationship with anyone other than with masochists who for some odd reason put up with your bullshit. Just imagine a life that is a roll of the dice every morning. A life where you could want to kill yourself for no reason other than that you don’t see a purpose in anything else. Just imagine it.

http://frail-boned.tumblr.com/ (via tearmyheart-open)

The FlusterCuck

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